🕊️ Author’s Note:
Last weekend, I wasn’t okay.
I didn’t have the energy to do anything, and I couldn’t fake feeling fine.
This post isn’t inspirational or poetic—it’s just the truth.
I wrote it because I needed to express myself, and someone out there needs to hear it, too.
Last weekend, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t study. I didn’t clean. I didn’t try.
I just sat in silence and kept thinking over and over,
“I don’t like my life right now.”
It’s not easy to admit that.
But it’s the truth.
I feel stuck. I’m living with someone I no longer feel close to.
We don’t have conversations anymore. We sleep in separate rooms.
We walk past each other like strangers.
When he’s home, I feel stressed. I can’t relax.
Sometimes just seeing him makes me feel angry, even though we’re not even speaking.
It’s like something inside me shuts down the moment he enters the room.
And I don’t know precisely why—I just know I feel this way, and I’m tired of pretending I don’t.
I want to change my life. I’ve been planning for it quietly.
But I’m not there yet.
This isn’t the right time. I still have tasks to complete before I can move forward.
So, I’m waiting.
And while I wait, I’m trying to get through the days.
But it’s hard.
Waking up in a life that doesn’t feel like yours is hard.
Being in a house where you don’t feel understood is hard.
Acting like everything is fine for the sake of the kids is hard.
It’s not that I’m doing nothing. I’m trying.
But right now, most of the work is happening inside of me.
And that kind of work—emotional survival-doesn’t show on the outside.
But despite everything, there is one thing I will never regret—having my children. They are my life.
Even on the hardest days, they remind me why I keep going.
They give me a reason to hold on and to believe that better days are coming.
I don’t know how long this season will last.
But I haven’t given up.
I get through one day at a time.
Some days are heavier than others.
But I’m still here.
Sometimes, I ask myself hard questions.
What if the way I feel right now isn’t how I’ll feel forever?
What if this moment of struggle is just a chapter, not the whole story?
I don’t have clear answers, but I want to hold space for these questions. Maybe someone else feels the same.
Right now, I don’t like my life.
I say it honestly because that’s how I feel.
But I wonder:
What if my thoughts about my life change?
What if the pain I feel today fades, or I see things differently in the future?
What if what I believe now—that I don’t like my life—is not the whole truth?
Feelings and thoughts aren’t fixed. They shift as we grow, as we heal, and as life changes around us.
Maybe one day, I’ll look back and see this moment as a necessary step—a painful but essential part of my journey.
Perhaps the weight I carry now will lift, or I’ll discover strength and joy I can’t imagine yet.
That doesn’t make what I feel now any less real or valid.
Right now, this is my truth.
But I want to stay open to the possibility that my future self might feel differently, and that’s okay.
It’s hard to live in this tension, accepting your pain but hoping for change.
But maybe that’s where healing begins.
I’m still figuring out if my decisions now will hold true in the future.
I want to keep paying attention—especially on the good days—if the same feelings come back.
That way, I can know with more certainty whether this is the path I should follow.
Because absolute clarity often takes time, and that’s okay.
If you’re reading this and you feel the same way—stuck in the hard part of your story but wondering if it could be different—I want, you to know:
You’re not alone.
Your feelings are valid.
And your story is still unfolding.
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