Small Basket, Loud Demands: My Story

 I grew up in a world where silence was regarded as a virtue.

In my family, I was taught to obey, to listen, to avoid speaking back. The message was clear — respect means staying quiet. Being a “good girl” meant lowering your eyes, softening your voice, and never making others uncomfortable, even if they were wrong. My feelings were never considered important. My voice was never something anyone wanted to hear.

That was the environment I grew up in — in Vietnam. And without even realizing it, that way of living profoundly shaped me. I learned to survive by staying quiet, by not questioning others, by carrying discomfort quietly in my chest.

But now… I live in the United States. I’m no longer a child. I’m a mother. A student. A woman who is trying to grow into her own strength.

So, I ask myself:
Should I continue living like my voice doesn’t matter?
Should I keep accepting unfair or unkind treatment just to avoid making trouble?
Or is it time to change… to honor my voice, even if it shakes?

This morning, something small happened — but it left a heavy feeling in my heart.

I was shopping at a local Target store, finishing up my purchases. I had used one of the store’s plastic baskets to carry a few items. After checking out at the self-checkout area, I was quietly putting my wallet away, ready to return the basket like I usually do. That’s when a woman, a cashier, older, standing at her station, suddenly leaned back and raised her voice toward me. She told me to put the basket away loudly.

Not kindly. Not like a helpful reminder.
It was loud, sharp, and public. Everyone around turned to look.
And in that moment, I froze.

It wasn’t just her words. It was the way she said them — as if I was a problem, as if I was wrong, as if I needed to be corrected. I looked down. I did what she said. I left the store feeling ashamed, but also angry.

Angry at her tone.
Angry that I didn’t say anything.
Angry at how easy it is for people to treat someone like me — soft-spoken, respectful, maybe too obedient — as if I don’t deserve the same respect in return.

And the truth is: I was already about to return the basket. I hadn’t left anything behind. I hadn’t walked away. I was just putting my wallet back in my bag. Many other customers leave their baskets at the checkout, and employees collect them. That’s normal. But this woman didn’t care about that. She just wanted to control the moment, to show power.

I’ve been treated this way before. In stores. At jobs. Even in school.
When people look at me — maybe because of my accent, my face, my quietness — they assume I will just accept whatever they say. That I won’t speak up.

But I’m learning.

I already called Target’s customer service to file a complaint. I don’t know if anything will come from it. But I needed to say something, even just once, to remind myself:
You are allowed to expect kindness.
You are allowed to ask for respect.
You don’t have to obey when someone talks down to you.

Next time, I want to try to say:

“I’m just finishing. I’ll return it now. But please don’t speak to me like that.”

And if my voice shakes, that’s okay. Growth doesn’t always sound strong at first.

To anyone reading this who has ever felt small because someone else made you feel that way, I see you. You’re not alone.

We don’t need to be loud to be powerful.
But we do deserve to be treated with dignity.

And we are learning.